Christmas Jitters??!!

Perhaps I should start with an apology because I know I promised I’d post more often.I have thought of posting these past few days but have been unable due to my extremely hectic  schedule due to exams and a little bit of laziness.. :D

With Christmas just  18 days  432 hours and 50 minutes away,well..it’s that time of the year again! I love the cold weather(Thank God I’m not in Mumbai),bundling up with friends and families,decorations and Christmas Carol services at churches.For the past four years,I’ve been away from home at Christmas but this year I’ll be home on Christmas eve and my tickets are ready and my bags are already packed.

The first thing that comes to mind about Christmas at home……...I guess it’s the church bell ringing at our local church at 11:00 a.m on Christmas day,wearing my new dress which turned out to be not as pretty as I have planned or dreamt three months before,but still okay because its new and I feel pretty in it,walking hand in hand with my grandma  towards the church,meeting and greeting  friends and neighbours looking their best , it’s such a happy time of the year  and there is so much Christmas in it!!!!!

It’s been four years since I haven’t had that kind of  Christmas and the Christmasses I’ve had during my college days the past four years were no different than any other public holidays to be painfully honest.I always knew how much this day meant and I remind myself the of true spirit of Christmas.But I guess it was just the absence of the whole Christmas spirit there in Mumbai which was almost offensive,no twinkly lights and no decorations or maybe due to the hot weather and half of the population not knowing what Christmas is.You probably need some snow in a place like Mumbai to get you out of the severe lack of Christmas spirit.I mean..c’mon ..Christmas is so much more than just a break from work.

Either way,at the ripe old age of 23,you realised you don’t like Christmas as much as when you were a kid . Sad:((..but at the age when you're too old for toys,maybe it’s just hard to feel  cheery about much of anything.It’s like finding out Santa is just your grandmother wearing a Santa costume.

When I was a kid,I remember all I ever wanted for Christmas was a kitten which my grandma never allowed me to keep.I somehow coaxed my mother into it,and was allowed to keep it as long as my grandma would not find any kitten poop lying around the house. So,I kept it of course,loved it to death and then I really don’t remember whatever become of it.

Well,this year I definitely do not want a kitten for Christmas.My Christmas wish list is now totally different from  what it was like 7 years ago....and as the song goes My Grown Up Christmas List...but let me spare you the horror because believe me you don’t wanna know:))

And once again thank you for reading my blog,I know it’s ridiculously long and I do appreciate the two minutes you have spent on reading this..when there’s probably so many other things you could have done.

Have a blessed Christmas!!!!

Twinkles in ur wrinkles

Last night,after completing my accounts assignment,I snuggled and tucked myself into bed with heavy eyes because of just two hours of sleep the night before.I immediately fell into a deep slumber when I had this very pleasant dream.

I was in a ballroom,wearing the most exquisite and elegant gown I have ever laid eyes upon.Then,like one of those fairytales and knight in shining armour sort of a thing,a soigne and charming lad approached me and asked me to dance.I accepted with a humble inward smile and blushed a little.Hand in hand we danced across the ballroom,and all the other girls were looking at me with a jealous sneer.I felt like the most beautiful girl in the world.The night in my dream was  a prom night in high school.

Ignore the irrelevance,the reason why I have cited this dream out is because I wanted to highlight the tense."It was a prom night".Was!..Yes,I have used the past tense because prom nights are for high school and college kids.Not for a 23 year old,graduated-a-year-and-a-half-ago person!College days were so way back in the past.That was when I was acquainted with one frantic truth..that was..maybe I'm growing old!!

I remember ,when i was in school way back in the year 2000,the pop singer Britney Spears had just released her first single Baby One More Time.She was just sixteen at that time but as a kid,I portrayed her as someone who was so much grown up and elder to me,or simply put-an adult.

But over the course of the past decade,things have changed.Now I am the grown up,and they are the minors.Under-aged!Nowadays,be it in newspapers or televisions,everywhere you'll see.."..the 16 year old Miley cyrus...17 year old Justin Bieber...20 year old Taylor Swift etc etc".It was a shocking moment when I learnt that Rihanna was of my age.She really looked like she's 26 or at least that is what my pre conceived notion tells me!!It's like I'm moving ahead and the rest of the world is lagging behind.It was then that it occured to me..maybe I'm growing old.

There was a time when all my girlfriends used to call me up for a game of "inkoibah" or cycling or climbing trees in our backyard.Now,most of them hardly called me and even if they did,it's because they wanted to discuss about their work,husbands,kids,boyfriends,break ups and the list goes on.And when they do,I am expected to listen,analyse and give them advice like an "adult".And when I don't, I am not a good friend,and if I tell them my honest opinion,they will take it as I'm being mean.But that's okay,really.They're just girls and I love my friends the way they are.But it also made me realize the fact that I'm not 16 anymore.Maybe that is the reason why the question,"How old are you?" have become one of life's toughest question to tackle.

Once I asked a friend why she never celebrated her birthdays.Birthdays never evoked any special feelings for her,in fact,it made her bitter.I have so often heard the quoted cliches like "Wisdom comes with age" or "dont worry..life begins at the age of 40".But c'mon,who does'nt like to be young and carefree,when your only worries were whether you'll get a barbie doll for Christmas rather than worrying about your campus placements with high pressure and expectations from everyone.

But,on the contrary,although I'm not really an embracer of aging and getting old,no matter what people say and how much you fret about it-it is inevitable.It's a part of life in which you have absolutely no control.So,.instead of whingeing and whining about it,the wise thing to do is to celebrate that you have lived this long.Count your blessings,ur friends,family,the priviledges you got which others don't.Try to see the beauty of those grey hair and the wisdom beneath those wrinkled faces.After all,turning 70 and going past the ages of wearing those stiletto shoes might not be so bad,it means you won't have to do your laundry so often:).

"The idea is to die young,as late as possible".:)

high school

That baggy jeans clad-freckled-guitar playing boy        

I wonder where you are now

I remember the braces u wore

And those deep brown eyes of urs

And though you'll never know,I'd like to tell u now

That day at the Chemistry lab

You had me at hello.

I took the longer way to class
Even though it took a few extra stairs
Yet again hoping you'd pass me by

And I'd get a chance to steal a moment of ur smile

The teacher talks as i stare into space

Wondering what u were thinking

And what if you'll never know?

100 letters which were never sent                                               

And a number in my phone i never dared to call

Better I'd sit on the floor with ur yearbook picture

Though it just made me want to cry

My heart can't deny it or put it away

Though you'll never know now 

I'd just like to tell u so.                                                             

like the first days in college..

Because of  the merciless heat and mosquito bites,I awoke at the 'ungodly' hour of 6:am in the morning of 20th July . With heavy feet,i dragged myself out of the best feeling in the world i.e the comfort and warmth of my bed.After a brief shower and putting on my best attire , I left my new found home(hostel) to venture into a new world .It was my first day of post grad.

Never in my life have i experienced the feelings of anxiety, apprehensions, fear and excitement all at a time.Here I am , leaving the vibrant city of Delhi to a totally unknown place ,a name which i have only seen in newspapers.The large size of the campus,the beautifully arranged greeneries and the huge buildings ladened with big,dark glasses..it was awe-inspiring.But there were flutters in my stomach as i walked my way to find the Dept. of Biotechnology where i was supposed to go for registration.It seemed to me like the whole campus and everybody else were in a sphere of full excitement.The girls there looked like they have been issued right out of a gladrags magazine.And there i was,alone,no friends,no relatives,no 'nothing'.Alone.All i have was a feeling of hollowness in the pit of my stomach.My mind was still in a mid-level of nostalgia and memories of my college friends and relatives in Mumbai.The level of my excitement was soon weighted down and i will never forget that lost and 'out of place' feeling.My life for the next two years will be here.Two years.So thought i'd better learn to like it.

I finally reached the J-3 block i.e the Biotech Dept. after almost half an hour of walking and being barbecued in the sun.I stepped into the building,where a team of students were sitting at the reception to guide us and tell us what we were supposed to do.I ran helter-skelter around the campus,stationery to stationery,A-Block to B-Block to C-Block,taking photocopies and printouts of my documents.Finally at noon,my work was done.I was now officially a student of the esteemed university.Our identity cards bearing our name and photo was given to us and looking at it,for the first time in that day,I was humbled ,breathing in that moment of my life.I met some girls who were really nice and very friendly,and they were also my new classmates-to-be.At the end of the day,I got a positive vibe and that today had been a good day.

Its hard being alone,so far away from your friends and family.There will be days I'll have to cry because life is not always kind.I'll have to make many adjustments,work harder,meet new people,make new friends and let go of the past.The fact is that there is nothing i can do about growing up and moving on,as life goes on as it never ends,people come and go..being a part of it,we all have to just face it,do we??and who knows...It might not be such a bad day after all..::)))