She's still looking out for me....

When I was little, I prayed every night that  my grandmother would live a hundred years. In fact, I prayed that my whole family would live a very long life, but my grandmother’s name would always come first. Tears would well up in my eyes everytime other members of my family or anyone complained about my grandmother being slow and dropping and breaking things.

As long as I can remember, my grandma had always been looking out for me. She would drop me off to school and sit and wait for me until school was over. In my school and even in church she was more popularly known as “Alvina-i Pi”, because we were always seen together. Every morning, she woke up at 5:00 to attend the morning prayer service. The church was her life, and she would read and tell me stories from the Bible every night before sleeping. I loved her so dearly and my heart would sink at the thought of her dying.

It was the morning of 3^rd April 2006 (the year of my sweet 16^th birthday), my grandma passed away. It all happened so fast  I couldn’t even cry .The moment she breathed her last, I ran up to my room because I was embarrassed to cry in front of so many people. I silently prayed “God, I thank you for the 83 years…but it’s just not enough…”

Two years back, four years since my grandma  died, I was in Mumbai doing my grad. I was so pre-occupied with my life there, my friends, college and everything that  I  haven’t  thought of my grandmother in a very long time. One fine day, it so happened that my laptop was stolen in the hostel, and I was too scared to tell my parents. I used my entire life savings for a new one as a result of which I became poverty-stricken and flat broke. I did not want to tell my parents and ask for help. I was so worried and the fact of not getting a new dress for my college farewell party was morose. Then one night, I had this  really strange dream.I saw my grandmother.I could not see her face nor recall what she was wearing.It was all blurred, like a silhoutte. But her voice was so clear it almost seemed real .She said ,”Bawihte, engtikah nge I pa hian pawisa a rawn thawn dawn che a?”

The next morning when I woke up, I was still broke. I knew I would still be the only one not wearing a new dress for the farewell party, but I had this sudden surge of bliss and beatitude, because now  I know my grandmother was still looking out for me, and she was there to help me get through this. I guess she’s in Heaven now, perhaps hanging out with Jesus or having coffee with Abraham and Peter. I can only imagine the smile on her face. So for now, I know I need not worry about anything at all because I somehow believe she’s still praying for me. So, I know I am always in safe hands.I thank God for reminding me time and again of how much I am loved.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there, I did not die

I am the thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glint on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush,

I am the swift, uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight.

I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.

I am not there, I do not sleep.

Do not stand at my grave and cry.

I am not there, I did not die! I am the song that will never end.

I am the love of family and friend.

I am the child who has come to rest

In the arms of the Father who knows me best.